The above quote is from the poet/scholar/mystic Rumi, and it is where this blog gets its name. It is also the central preoccupation of my life; When to hold on to something and when to let go and move on. Whether it’s a project I can’t quite seem to get started/finish, or a “someday” daydream I have about the kind of life I want to be living, knowing when to dig in and fight for it, and when to let it go is something I’m always wrestling with.
Take for example this very blog you’re reading now. I first purchased this WordPress site in October, 2015, shortly after we’d learned that our unborn daughter was diagnosed with Down Syndrome. I was inspired to start a blog because October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and I felt like I had things to say. I wanted to share them, and our journey, with other parents who might be experiencing something similar.
The only problem was that I was completely overwhelmed with learning about Down Syndrome, dealing with my emotions around the diagnosis, trying to help my wife navigate her emotions, continuing to be a present parent to our then 2-year old son, Dashiell, as we learned more and more about the potential issues our daughter might have at birth. As well as maintain the day-to-day goings on at my job where I pretended like everything was hunky-dory and we were fine, everything was fine, can’t you see me smiling? I said I was fine!
Whew.
Obviously I wasn’t fine. But I wouldn’t fully realize that, or even begin to admit it to myself, until long after our daughter, Rumi, was born – completely healthy, thank the stars, except for the aforementioned Down Syndrome.
Which brings us back to this blog and the fact that I’ve been holding on to it without actually posting anything.
I am a storyteller. A writer. A performer. It is something I have done all my life. But I’m also a perfectionist. And somewhere back along the past 10 years I became so afraid of my stories not being perfect the second it hit the page that I pretty much stopped writing all together. There would be fits and starts, but the longer it went on the worse it got until soon…I wasn’t writing anything.
Pile that fear up on top of all the other crap going on around the birth of our daughter and I was frozen. There were things I wanted to say, but…
Recently I’ve been deciding whether I should plunk down another chunk of change to hold on to this website or let it go and focus my energies on something else. There are some really big changes and challenges ahead for my little clan, and I’m not really sure how it’s all going to turn out. Which, to me, sounds like the beginning of a really interesting story. A story that might serve as a cautionary tale for some, inspiration to others.
So there it is, I guess. Hold on to your hats, it’s going to be a fun ride.
Hold On Let Go 
You’re not alone in struggling with perfectionism and balancing writing a blog with the demands of life. I’ve gone through it for years until I forced myself to make a choice, and I’m glad I did. Writing a blog makes me more cognizant of life happening around me for me, my wife, and our kids.
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Thanks, Dave! Glad to hear it’s working for you. I appreciate the encouragement. Now I just need to keep this ball rolling. Hopefully the “honeymoon phase” lasts longer than a week. 🙂
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You keep writing because storytelling is in your genes. Your Grandma Doris had it. Your dad and mom both have it . The world needs great storytelling. Having Dash and Rumi will give you lots of material to work with. I look back in my life and it was never boring and oh the stories that I could tell. Meade started 2 books and has never finished either because of his perfectionism. Don’t doubt yourself forge bravely ahead because the storytelling gene is there inside you.
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Michael,
Love your words and stories. I am so glad you are sharing your life and the amazing family that you guys have. The world wants to hear and learn from you. Most of us are not blessed with the art of words…..
Thanks for you, Karyn, Dash, and Rumi!
Love
Nancy
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I read and follow a few writers on the inters-netted. You are now at the top of my list. Thank you for sharing your perfectly imperfect words with all of us. Xoxox!
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We all get a little lost along the way…we find courage in a number of people, places and things.
You are one of the best story tellers I know, the way you bring the whole thing to life makes everyone listening feel like they are right there with you. I have seen you command an audience wether it be family and friends or the paying kind. I hope this helps you find that fire for this adventure we call life.
We live in an imperfect world….”let the beauty of what you love be what you do” rumi
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And I don’t read much, but enjoyed this blog and hope you continue and praying that all is well with your family.
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Thanks, Brett! Sending the love back to you and your family! 🙂
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I don’t know how to follow a blog but I will now find out.
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Michael — It’s your friend from FB and Instagram, and way back at that Ken Levine sitcom thing. Thank you for telling this story. I’m very interested in your journey. Looking forward to reading more installments. Christina
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Thank you for sharing your story! Looking forward to this amazing story. You are an amazing father, husband, writer, producer, photographer… list goes on.
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Thank you, Heidi! I’m not sure about the “amazing” part, but I’ll take for now. Until the truth really comes out. 😉
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